I know I can't be the only one who's disappointed that Super Smash Bros. Brawl has been delayed until February. Like many others, I've been watching the official Smash Bros. Dojo like a hawk, trying to guess who Nintendo would include (or, as the case may be, not include) in their ever-exploding cast next. Other updates to the site include descriptions of the combatants' Final Smash moves -- super special attacks that typically blow away everyone on the screen.And man, do they look cool. Mario unleashes a smoldering eruption of fire, Fox's Landmaster tears up everything in sight, and Bowser balloons into the mega-scary, mega-awesome Giga Bowser that I'm sure many of you remember from Super Smash Bros. Melee. Clicking through the characters, it's not difficult to get excited about each one, and you start to guess what the next Final Smash move could be before you scroll down to check it out for yourself.
I got particularly excited about Peach. How was my favorite Super Mario character going to kick ass? Was she going to arm herself with a gigantic parasol that has the power to wipe everyone from the screen in a single swoop? Or perhaps she'd fire a wicked laser from her blue brooch because no one has any clue why she has always had it anyway?
What could it be?
Oh, she's about to do it, guys! I am so pumped.
Aww, cute, it's like a photobooth.
Wait, wha?
Peaches?! She just gets peaches?That's right, folks. Mario may be able to conjure up a volatile pillar of surging flamey death, but the best that Peach can muster is a sleeping spell and a bushel of fresh, fuzzy peaches. To be fair, one can conceivably kick ass while everyone's dropping off like it's a Sunday morning, but what are normal kicks and punches when you could sprout celestial wings and belch torrents of fire? Even cute little asexual bundle of puff Kirby does some damage with his formidable Stew Pot of Death, and yet Peach is left twirling around as Ambien incarnate. Awesome.
Why? Why stick Peach with the lame defensive move? Isn't it enough that she's always getting Koopnapped and having extreme hormonal mood swings? A comically huge frying pan would have been better than this, or even explodey peaches that fall, ticking, from the sky and blow up on impact. Peach can hold her own on the Smash Bros. battlefield and yet her silly moves have got all of us laughing at her again.
And don't get me started on how Samus's Final Smash blasts off all of her armor.
Coming out of Super Princess Peach, I had my suspicions that Peach's Final Smash would be a defensive/restorative move. You know what would have been a thousand times better? Her Psych Bomb special attack from Super Mario RPG.
ReplyDeleteI suppose that's slightly better than her having a mood swing and either flooding the screen with her tears or covering the nearest opponents with ice by giving them the "cold shoulder".
ReplyDeleteIt would have been better to have a wind/peach blossom attack that did damage and pushed people off the edge or threw them across the screen. Anyone can pick up peaches and drop them on their friends' heads in real life, though it doesn't come recommended.
drew:
ReplyDeleteAh, the Psych Bomb! That would have been amazing. The best homage to SMRPG that I could remember was the frying pan.
killercherrypie:
The "Cold Shoulder" got a huge giggle out of me!
Another thought on the ladies of Smash Bros.: Okay, so they found a way to make Peach even girlier, there's Samus's space armor striptease, and unless Nintendo redesigns Zelda, we'll get her sex change special move into Sheik. Nana is still the default player two to Popo, and there's whatever the hell gender Jigglypuff is supposed to be. Let's hope that whatever new female characters we get --- and it's almost a sure bet that there will be new female characters --- are fighters that don't need to either remind us that they're female or that don't somehow take on male characteristics. I'm thinking Midna, Dixie Kong and the apparently widely-despised Krystal could be good candidates for this. Lip, though a good candidate for a playable fighter, probably won't do anything to advance the cause of feminism-in-gaming, but there's always the chance that we could see new female characters from Fire Emblem, Custom Robo or Golden Sun. Maybe I'm forgetting somebody, but our hopes would seem to have to rest of Midna, Dixie and Krystal.
ReplyDeleteI'm just miffed that Jill from Drill Dozer is going to be an assist trophy and not a selectable fighter herself.
Zero Suit Samus' final smash is pull her armor back on. The pieces flying in from outside of the screen damage the other characters.
ReplyDeleteNot that it it excuses what they're doing here, but I think it's neat that one ubermove involves putting more clothes on
I don't really understand why normal Samus's Final Smash basically destroys her power suit. Wouldn't the attack strip the flesh off of all the other, unprotected players?
ReplyDeleteI hadn't read about Zero Suit Samus's move, though! Thanks for noting that, juliette.