Girl in the Machine
Friday, June 15, 2007
Thanks, Nintendo; I had No Idea She was a Chick.


I am incredibly excited about Super Smash Bros. Brawl. It's one of two games I'm waiting to buy a Wii for (the other one being Animal Crossing, if you want to know). I can hardly wait to see all the beautiful new battle arenas and additional characters Nintendo's designing. While I do try out every fighter, I always go back to my tried and true characters: Fox and Samus. So when I found this clip from E3 last year, I watched it with great anticipation. Like I expected, I saw some of my favorite fighters in action, but something else I noticed makes me a little . . . worried.




Did you catch it? I'll give you a hint: it has something to do with Samus. Yes, she can now be decked out in her so-called "Zero Suit"--good eye there. It's nice that she gets a costume change for once. But, it's not the suit itself I have a problem with. Go ahead, give it another watch. I'll wait.

See it now? Okay, I'll give you a hint.


Here's everyone's favorite bounty hunter as we normally see her. Along with her signature orange suit, Samus stands strong, like a formidable warrior. Her left hand is balled into a fist. She's crouched into a battle stance--look at how much space she's taking up. Like her face, she's got her arm canon pointed straight at you, ready for the kill. Just looking at this image, you get a sense of tension and power. Girl looks dangerous.

Now, here's Samus in her Zero Suit:


Her body is now in a straight, graceful line, taking up as little space as possible. Instead of a fiery orange and yellow, Samus is garbed in a soft sky blue. She appears to be in mid-jump, rather than in any extreme position, such as the beginning or end of the jump. One leg is bent to show off her round ass. Her back is arched to look over one shoulder. Her body itself is angled away from the viewer, and the fingers on her left hand are softly splayed out in a feminine manner.

I call total bullshit here. Can you honestly see Samus in her power suit posing like this? Instead of the intimidating figure she cut in the first image, she now looks almost harmless. There is absolutely no reason why she would change her body language just because she's not in full armor. One of my favorite things about Samus has been that she is a badass bounty hunter first--and she hardly ever found herself in cheesecakey poses (if at all). Now that she's out of the suit, she's been forced into the infamous tits-and-ass pose.

At the very least, the suit itself has no strange cutouts like some of her past suits have had (as seen in various Metroid game endings). Her boots are flat and functional, and her hair is sensibly tied back into a ponytail. I do wonder how she gets all that hair into her helmet, though--it's not quite that long in Metroid Prime (although it was in Fusion), but I'm nitpicking here.


From what I've heard, Zero Suit Samus's blaster can also turn into a laser whip; if the designers aren't careful, Samus could be treading dangerously close into Sexy Sexy Danger territory. It really disappoints me (although doesn't surprise me) that my favorite character is being turned into a sex object just because you can actually tell she's a woman now--like this greenlights the ogling of fanboys everywhere. I don't like the fact that Samus has to cover up her body in order to act badass as per her real personality. I want to see Zero Suit Samus in the same in-your-face poses she's always been in.

My point is, it's just not Samus's personality to be in these cheesecake poses. Why can't she be depicted in fierce battle stances like she's always been? I don't like the fact that her unique character has to come second to the fact that she has teh boobies. Unlike Lara Croft, Samus is famous for her tough-as-nails exterior and her drive to clear out both metroids and space pirates, not for her sexiness. So, I'm awaiting SSB Brawl with a mixture of anticipation and trepidation. I'll hold my breath and hope that Nintendo won't turn my favorite video game icon into just another girly show for rabid fanboys--and that she'll remain the tough and intimidating fighter I know and love.

And if I see a single hip pop from her, there's going to be hell to pay.

Special thanks to IGN.com for the images

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 Posted by PlasmaRit
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