Girl in the Machine - This guy are sick.

Friday, March 21, 2008

Zero Suit Scandal

Super Smash Bros. Brawl was finally unleashed to the public last week--and to my delight, right smack in the middle of my Spring Break. And for that week I experienced the peaceful life of a hermit, serenely kicking ass in front of my Wii with little food, drink, or sleep. So deep was my meditation in front of that glorious flickering screen that, alas, there was simply no time for updates last Friday.

Adventure mode in particular is fun and engaging, and being the Nintendo fangirl that I am (hell, I grew up on the stuff), each cheesy cutscene left me in giggles. After a few stages, I arrived at the research facility, and I finally got to see Zero Suit Samus in motion.

Guys? Remember, a few months ago, when I expressed the reservations I had about how Zero Suit Samus would be treated? Christ on a cracker, I was right.

Practically every cutscene Zero Suit Samus is in, it seems there's a camera stuck to her boobs or her ass. They seemed inescapable, thanks to her exaggerated proportions. I felt like Lewis Black was behind me with every cutscene, shouting "Ass-ass! Titties-titties-ass-ass!" I couldn't wait to get her Power Suit so I could stop speculating how uncomfortable it would be to wear such a frighteningly vaccumm-sealed suit. But it wasn't just the creepy camera-ogling, either; Zero Suit Samus has a distinctly more feminine air to her, even if she's just standing in one place. The body language she emits before and after she obtains her Power Suit are jarringly different.

As a fighter, Zero Suit Samus isn't too bad. She's much faster out of her suit, which is nice, but as a hardcore Metroid fan I feel I must nitpick here. Isn't her Power Suit supposed to make Samus faster and more agile than the average human? I would understand if Zero Suit Samus were easier to knock off screen, but I'm not convinced she would be faster without her suit. The laser whip thingy she carries isn't as SexySexy Danger as I had anticipated, thank god, but it is significantly girlier than Power Suit Samus's grappling beam. Overall, Zero Suit Samus is certainly not a downgraded version of Power Suit Samus, in spite of her cheesecakey tendencies. For that I applaud Nintendo.

However, I am still disappointed in Super Smash Bros. Brawl for confirming my fears about Samus. She was the only human female of the Smash Bros. series who wasn't superfemme, but now Nintendo, like Activision did with Guitar Hero III, has succeeded in feminizing all of its female characters.

Ugh, I'm going to go beat up some Waddle-Dees.

Labels: Body Language, Fighter, Metroid, PlasmaRit, Sexuality, Super Smash Bros.

Posted by PlasmaRit
2:46 PM + Link to this post
3 comments

Saturday, March 8, 2008

First Friday Drinking Game: Saturday Edition!

The beginning of March signals the coming of many wonderful things. For those of us in the northern hemisphere, spring is just around the corner; for students, Spring Break looms tantalizingly close. But for American gamers, Super Smash Bros. Brawl is coming to our shores! In celebration of this wondrous event, we'll be raising our glasses to the Smash Bros. series for this month's First Friday Drinking Game!

. . .

. . . what? Okay, I know it's technically Saturday, but I'm not changing the graphic. Moving on!

1 drink for every Snorlax that smashes you to oblivion
2 drinks for reaching a death match
3 drinks if you lose said death match
1 drink if you are a Sheik whore
1 drink each time Jigglypuff/Mr. Game and Watch kills you
2 drinks if a random Arwing blows you away
1 drink for dying from a Bob-Omb
2 drinks for stepping on your own land mine
1 drink if you KO the wrong Ice Climber
1 drink each time you miss a player with your hookshot/grappling beam
1 drink if you KO yourself because you're too distracted by the look of the stage
1 drink for choosing any stage that includes water
2 drinks if that water is a fast current

And finally:
Finish your drink if you plan on trying to upskirt Peach or Zelda when Brawl comes out. Seriously creepy and gross.

Warning: Excessive drinking during game play may result in an inability to find your character on the screen and may result in suicidal KOs. Play with caution!

Think I forgot something? Suggest a rule in the comments section!

What drinking games do YOU want to play every month? If there is any genre or specific game you want featured in FFDG, drop me a line at PlasmaRit at gmail dot com.

Labels: Fighter, First Friday Drinking Game, PlasmaRit, Super Smash Bros.

Posted by PlasmaRit
1:30 AM + Link to this post
0 comments

Monday, February 25, 2008

Two things about fighting games.

One that pisses me off and one that leaves me pleased as punch.

Pissy item first: Dead or Alive is infiltrating Smash Brothers Brawl. It ain't exactly breaking news anymore, but the developers over at Nintendo decided to lovingly render upskirts for both Peach and Zelda. I won't be posting any of the videos or images here to prevent myself from having an aneurysm. Please excuse me while I go vomit my breakfast.

Okay. Now for the neat stuff. Street Fighter IV news has been all over the gaming blogs with new character art, screenshots, and trailers. I'll treat you to one here.

I've been a huge Street Fighter fan ever since I was but a little Bomber, and Chun Li (silver Chun Li, to boot) is always my fighter of choice. There's been a bit of a brouhaha in many blogs (such as Kotaku) over how big and beefy she's become. Most comments tend to follow the vein of, "Oh my God, her thighs are so huge and disgusting!" I'll let you make your own decision first.

Am I really the only one who doesn't see a problem here? Nobody's bitching about Guile's inflated pecs or Zangief's hairy gams, but when Chun Li comes spin-kicking in with thighs like a brick wall, gamers get up in arms. First of all, doesn't anyone remember that she never originally had toothpicks for legs anyway? In a game that's already bulging with muscle from 98% of its characters, there should be nothing shocking about this at all. And need I mention that she's still on the leaner end of the scale?

The lone fact that there exists a lady fighter who actually looks like she could, you know, kick ass is a huge plus for me.

I am also very pleased about Street Fighter IV's newest female character, Crimson Viper, who also looks like she's going to hold her own in some brutal combat. As well, something about Guile's very feminine pose in his character art really tickles me pink for some reason.

Labels: BomberGirl, Fighter, Getting it Right, Street Fighter, Super Smash Bros.

Posted by BomberGirl
7:56 AM + Link to this post
6 comments

Monday, October 29, 2007

No, not so peachy.

I know I can't be the only one who's disappointed that Super Smash Bros. Brawl has been delayed until February. Like many others, I've been watching the official Smash Bros. Dojo like a hawk, trying to guess who Nintendo would include (or, as the case may be, not include) in their ever-exploding cast next. Other updates to the site include descriptions of the combatants' Final Smash moves -- super special attacks that typically blow away everyone on the screen.

And man, do they look cool. Mario unleashes a smoldering eruption of fire, Fox's Landmaster tears up everything in sight, and Bowser balloons into the mega-scary, mega-awesome Giga Bowser that I'm sure many of you remember from Super Smash Bros. Melee. Clicking through the characters, it's not difficult to get excited about each one, and you start to guess what the next Final Smash move could be before you scroll down to check it out for yourself.

I got particularly excited about Peach. How was my favorite Super Mario character going to kick ass? Was she going to arm herself with a gigantic parasol that has the power to wipe everyone from the screen in a single swoop? Or perhaps she'd fire a wicked laser from her blue brooch because no one has any clue why she has always had it anyway?

What could it be?

Oh, she's about to do it, guys! I am so pumped.

Aww, cute, it's like a photobooth.

Wait, wha?

Peaches?! She just gets peaches?

That's right, folks. Mario may be able to conjure up a volatile pillar of surging flamey death, but the best that Peach can muster is a sleeping spell and a bushel of fresh, fuzzy peaches. To be fair, one can conceivably kick ass while everyone's dropping off like it's a Sunday morning, but what are normal kicks and punches when you could sprout celestial wings and belch torrents of fire? Even cute little asexual bundle of puff Kirby does some damage with his formidable Stew Pot of Death, and yet Peach is left twirling around as Ambien incarnate. Awesome.

Why? Why stick Peach with the lame defensive move? Isn't it enough that she's always getting Koopnapped and having extreme hormonal mood swings? A comically huge frying pan would have been better than this, or even explodey peaches that fall, ticking, from the sky and blow up on impact. Peach can hold her own on the Smash Bros. battlefield and yet her silly moves have got all of us laughing at her again.

And don't get me started on how Samus's Final Smash blasts off all of her armor.

Labels: BomberGirl, Fighter, Mario Bros., Stereotypes, Super Smash Bros.

Posted by BomberGirl
9:56 AM + Link to this post
6 comments

Friday, June 15, 2007

Thanks, Nintendo; I had No Idea She was a Chick.

I am incredibly excited about Super Smash Bros. Brawl. It's one of two games I'm waiting to buy a Wii for (the other one being Animal Crossing, if you want to know). I can hardly wait to see all the beautiful new battle arenas and additional characters Nintendo's designing. While I do try out every fighter, I always go back to my tried and true characters: Fox and Samus. So when I found this clip from E3 last year, I watched it with great anticipation. Like I expected, I saw some of my favorite fighters in action, but something else I noticed makes me a little . . . worried.

Did you catch it? I'll give you a hint: it has something to do with Samus. Yes, she can now be decked out in her so-called "Zero Suit"--good eye there. It's nice that she gets a costume change for once. But, it's not the suit itself I have a problem with. Go ahead, give it another watch. I'll wait.

See it now? Okay, I'll give you a hint.

Here's everyone's favorite bounty hunter as we normally see her. Along with her signature orange suit, Samus stands strong, like a formidable warrior. Her left hand is balled into a fist. She's crouched into a battle stance--look at how much space she's taking up. Like her face, she's got her arm canon pointed straight at you, ready for the kill. Just looking at this image, you get a sense of tension and power. Girl looks dangerous.

Now, here's Samus in her Zero Suit:

Her body is now in a straight, graceful line, taking up as little space as possible. Instead of a fiery orange and yellow, Samus is garbed in a soft sky blue. She appears to be in mid-jump, rather than in any extreme position, such as the beginning or end of the jump. One leg is bent to show off her round ass. Her back is arched to look over one shoulder. Her body itself is angled away from the viewer, and the fingers on her left hand are softly splayed out in a feminine manner.

I call total bullshit here. Can you honestly see Samus in her power suit posing like this? Instead of the intimidating figure she cut in the first image, she now looks almost harmless. There is absolutely no reason why she would change her body language just because she's not in full armor. One of my favorite things about Samus has been that she is a badass bounty hunter first--and she hardly ever found herself in cheesecakey poses (if at all). Now that she's out of the suit, she's been forced into the infamous tits-and-ass pose.

At the very least, the suit itself has no strange cutouts like some of her past suits have had (as seen in various Metroid game endings). Her boots are flat and functional, and her hair is sensibly tied back into a ponytail. I do wonder how she gets all that hair into her helmet, though--it's not quite that long in Metroid Prime (although it was in Fusion), but I'm nitpicking here.

From what I've heard, Zero Suit Samus's blaster can also turn into a laser whip; if the designers aren't careful, Samus could be treading dangerously close into Sexy Sexy Danger territory. It really disappoints me (although doesn't surprise me) that my favorite character is being turned into a sex object just because you can actually tell she's a woman now--like this greenlights the ogling of fanboys everywhere. I don't like the fact that Samus has to cover up her body in order to act badass as per her real personality. I want to see Zero Suit Samus in the same in-your-face poses she's always been in.

My point is, it's just not Samus's personality to be in these cheesecake poses. Why can't she be depicted in fierce battle stances like she's always been? I don't like the fact that her unique character has to come second to the fact that she has teh boobies. Unlike Lara Croft, Samus is famous for her tough-as-nails exterior and her drive to clear out both metroids and space pirates, not for her sexiness. So, I'm awaiting SSB Brawl with a mixture of anticipation and trepidation. I'll hold my breath and hope that Nintendo won't turn my favorite video game icon into just another girly show for rabid fanboys--and that she'll remain the tough and intimidating fighter I know and love.

And if I see a single hip pop from her, there's going to be hell to pay.

Special thanks to IGN.com for the images

Labels: Body Language, Fighter, Metroid, PlasmaRit, Sexuality, Super Smash Bros.