Girl in the Machine
Monday, October 29, 2007
No, not so peachy.

I know I can't be the only one who's disappointed that Super Smash Bros. Brawl has been delayed until February. Like many others, I've been watching the official Smash Bros. Dojo like a hawk, trying to guess who Nintendo would include (or, as the case may be, not include) in their ever-exploding cast next. Other updates to the site include descriptions of the combatants' Final Smash moves -- super special attacks that typically blow away everyone on the screen.

And man, do they look cool. Mario unleashes a smoldering eruption of fire, Fox's Landmaster tears up everything in sight, and Bowser balloons into the mega-scary, mega-awesome Giga Bowser that I'm sure many of you remember from Super Smash Bros. Melee. Clicking through the characters, it's not difficult to get excited about each one, and you start to guess what the next Final Smash move could be before you scroll down to check it out for yourself.

I got particularly excited about Peach. How was my favorite Super Mario character going to kick ass? Was she going to arm herself with a gigantic parasol that has the power to wipe everyone from the screen in a single swoop? Or perhaps she'd fire a wicked laser from her blue brooch because no one has any clue why she has always had it anyway?

What could it be?
Oh, she's about to do it, guys! I am so pumped.

Aww, cute, it's like a photobooth.

Wait, wha?

Peaches?! She just gets peaches?

That's right, folks. Mario may be able to conjure up a volatile pillar of surging flamey death, but the best that Peach can muster is a sleeping spell and a bushel of fresh, fuzzy peaches. To be fair, one can conceivably kick ass while everyone's dropping off like it's a Sunday morning, but what are normal kicks and punches when you could sprout celestial wings and belch torrents of fire? Even cute little asexual bundle of puff Kirby does some damage with his formidable Stew Pot of Death, and yet Peach is left twirling around as Ambien incarnate. Awesome.

Why? Why stick Peach with the lame defensive move? Isn't it enough that she's always getting Koopnapped and having extreme hormonal mood swings? A comically huge frying pan would have been better than this, or even explodey peaches that fall, ticking, from the sky and blow up on impact. Peach can hold her own on the Smash Bros. battlefield and yet her silly moves have got all of us laughing at her again.

And don't get me started on how Samus's Final Smash blasts off all of her armor.

Labels: , , , ,

 Posted by BomberGirl
 9:56 AM + Link to this post
  6 comments

 
About
Girl in the Machine
BomberGirl
Calabar
PlasmaRit

Latest Entries
My Sims, My Choice
Coming Out of the Gaming Closet
Monster Mashup
Pwning n00bs for the Cure
The Ultimate Test, the Cruelest of All Trials
Live in Purity and then Die
Linkfest
Faith, Creation, Resurrection
To Be a Hero
Interview with Cerise magazine

Tags
Action Adventure
Adventure
Body Language
BomberGirl
Calabar
Castlevania
Character Spotlight
Civilization
Elder Scrolls
Fatal Frame
Final Fantasy
Fighter
First Friday Drinking Game
FPS
Getting it Right
Guitar Hero
Half-Life
Harvest Moon
Indie
The Industry
In the News
Legend of Zelda
LGBT
Linkfest
Mario Bros.
Mass Effect
Metal Gear
Metroid
MMORPG
Motherhood
PlasmaRit
Platforming
Primal
Prince of Persia
Race Issues
RPG
RTS
Rule of Rose
Scale
Sexuality
Shadow Hearts
Shin Megami Tensei
Silent Hill
The Sims
Star Fox
Stealth
Stereotypes
Street Fighter
Super Smash Bros.
Survival Horror
Tomb Raider
Turok
Video Game Movies
Violence
World of Warcraft

Archives
June 2007
July 2007
August 2007
September 2007
October 2007
November 2007
December 2007
January 2008
February 2008
March 2008
April 2008
May 2008
June 2008
July 2008
August 2008

Links
BlogHer
Cerise Magazine
The F-Word Blog
Finally, a Feminism 101 Blog Game Girl Advance
GayGamer.net
Iris Gaming Network
Killer Betties
New Game Plus
Penny Arcade
Racialicious
Shrub.com Blog
Under the Table Gaming
Women Gamers
Zone of the Gamers

Best viewed in Mozilla Firefox at a 1028 by 768 resolution.

Powered by Blogger

blogspot visit counter