Girl in the Machine
Friday, March 21, 2008
Zero Suit Scandal


Super Smash Bros. Brawl was finally unleashed to the public last week--and to my delight, right smack in the middle of my Spring Break. And for that week I experienced the peaceful life of a hermit, serenely kicking ass in front of my Wii with little food, drink, or sleep. So deep was my meditation in front of that glorious flickering screen that, alas, there was simply no time for updates last Friday.

Adventure mode in particular is fun and engaging, and being the Nintendo fangirl that I am (hell, I grew up on the stuff), each cheesy cutscene left me in giggles. After a few stages, I arrived at the research facility, and I finally got to see Zero Suit Samus in motion.

Guys? Remember, a few months ago, when I expressed the reservations I had about how Zero Suit Samus would be treated? Christ on a cracker, I was right.

Practically every cutscene Zero Suit Samus is in, it seems there's a camera stuck to her boobs or her ass. They seemed inescapable, thanks to her exaggerated proportions. I felt like Lewis Black was behind me with every cutscene, shouting "Ass-ass! Titties-titties-ass-ass!" I couldn't wait to get her Power Suit so I could stop speculating how uncomfortable it would be to wear such a frighteningly vaccumm-sealed suit. But it wasn't just the creepy camera-ogling, either; Zero Suit Samus has a distinctly more feminine air to her, even if she's just standing in one place. The body language she emits before and after she obtains her Power Suit are jarringly different.

As a fighter, Zero Suit Samus isn't too bad. She's much faster out of her suit, which is nice, but as a hardcore Metroid fan I feel I must nitpick here. Isn't her Power Suit supposed to make Samus faster and more agile than the average human? I would understand if Zero Suit Samus were easier to knock off screen, but I'm not convinced she would be faster without her suit. The laser whip thingy she carries isn't as SexySexy Danger as I had anticipated, thank god, but it is significantly girlier than Power Suit Samus's grappling beam. Overall, Zero Suit Samus is certainly not a downgraded version of Power Suit Samus, in spite of her cheesecakey tendencies. For that I applaud Nintendo.

However, I am still disappointed in Super Smash Bros. Brawl for confirming my fears about Samus. She was the only human female of the Smash Bros. series who wasn't superfemme, but now Nintendo, like Activision did with Guitar Hero III, has succeeded in feminizing all of its female characters.

Ugh, I'm going to go beat up some Waddle-Dees.

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 Posted by PlasmaRit
 2:46 PM + Link to this post
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